January Really Sucks

The temperature outside today is -20 but does it really matter when it’s this cold?  I’ve never enjoyed the month of January at all.  It’s one of those months that it would seem that we all just try to get through as best we can and make plans for the rest of the year – other things to look forward to.  Whatever thrill from the holidays and new year’s is long gone and the next event to anticipate is Valentines Day and a birthday for me that only gets me closer to being older – Nope not at all!

Which way to go?

Which way to go?

Maybe it’s a difficult month because it’s the time of the year in which whether we like or not, that we take inventory of our lives.  More often than not we aren’t content with the catalogue of our life.  The burden lies with having the courage to sketch out a path to create a life that  we can live with.

So I work on it….make changes however scary that it….and maybe next January won’t suck quite as much!

Friends 2013

Cemetery Angel This more than other years have I been reminded on the value of friendship.  While families can be  like splinters that never come out (for lack of a better simile) friends are chosen with careful consideration.  While not always conscious we do put those we deem to be friends through tests to determine their worth and role in our lives.  While some friends are only friends because they ‘like’ every stupid status update and others you would trust with your children.  The good ones worth keeping that don’t require trimming from the friend tree, always leave you feeling good inside about who you are and the choices you make.  Real friends remember your birthday, pluck your eyebrows for you because you are too scared to do it for yourself and clean up your dog’s poo when you aren’t around.

While mothers have no sense of boundaries when it comes to giving advice – friends know their place and only give advice when asked.  Good friends know that you don’t want to her that your child was acting like a jerk because they know you know.  They aren’t surprised when you tell them of important decisions that you’ve made because they could see it coming a mile away even before you were aware of it yourself.  My mother informed me a couple of years ago that “we just aren’t good at making friends and just don’t have any luck with that” by ‘we’ she was meaning herself, me and my sister.  I can say with all honesty that she was completely wrong.

One friend would say that we are blessed to have each other; even though she knows that her and I differ extremely on our religious opinions.   I always find it interesting to reflect on the extreme differences in personalities that still end up in solid friendships.  And then the flip side of the token is you meet someone with whom you share an amazing number of beliefs, similarities and general interests and you end up despising each other.  Good friends accept variances in beliefs no matter how extreme and realize that those differences add a unique dynamic to their own life and make it richer.  It is more often than not that the best friendships have been through the wringer but redeem themselves to survive.  Woman have a way of finding strength and courage when faced with obstacles and hellish conditions.

 

I resolve to…..

old house no rfLet’s face it telling people your own New Year’s resolutions are pretty personal.  Now that the, “all ready for Christmas” conversation starter is finished with, I’m sure people will start with the elbow jabbing, “eh making any resolutions, eh, eh?” Oh the looks of shock and horror that would result if I told them to truth.  This boring conversation just is another feeble sidetrack instead of  talking about the weather.  Another good reason we’ve had piles of snow! No one really wants to hear the truth.  Let’s see my last year’s resolutions were:

  • To get a book written not published just written.  I did write my the two half novels are such low quality that I doubt even harlequin would publish them.
  • To take photos I’m happy with. You have to make time to take pictures to have any to be happy with. So that would be an ‘no’
  • To get a random website done on my own.  That would be a ‘no’ as well but I did manage to start this blog as I knew the new year was approaching!
  • To read more.By saying reading more I did infer to myself that it meant literature not other random people’s status updates on facebook.  And I am ashamed to admit but I did read 50 shades of grey as well.
  • And to figure out who I am.  Maybe I am closer to figuring out who I am though and doubt I’ll ever completely know. 

Perhaps I should have been more specific even to my own internal dialogue.

Oh but I do resolve to figure out how to get the property taxes caught up, the roof fixed and the four year long bathroom renovation finished.  You tube should come in handy!

As the current year ends people tend to make comments like, “woah, glad that year is over – the next one is going to kick ass.” Why oh why do we do that to ourselves?  Are we really keeping track day by day the good ones from the bad, tallying them up and if there’s more bad then good then the whole year is a write off? In my mind 2012 was a good year for me – a lot has changed.  And change is good.

Thirteen is a lucky number for me which should dictate a beyond fabulous year to come!  To know thy self one should awaken into awareness….right?

New Cameras

new camerasWhat’s the best Christmas gifts?   Clearly it’s those that are made with thought and love  and  new cameras of course in a variety of models. These handcrafted cameras are the result of my daughter’s ability to sculpt clay with the outmost attention to detail and with patience.  The kids bothered me for weeks before Christmas of what I wanted from them and my answer was always the same – “I want you to make me something and put some thought into as well.”  I knew that this response always frustrated them but in the end come the morning of the 25th I had these straight from the oven sculpty creations.  From my oldest son a jar and a marker for me to write down a happy thought everyday so that come the end of the year I would have a jar of happy quotes to read.

New Year’s 2012

Aside

Ahhh Christmas is done with for another year!  Only thing left to worry abut now is New Year’s.  New Year’s Festivities will never be the same since my beloved uncle Allan passed away four years ago this past October.  When my fourth daughter was born without a doubt her middle name had to be Allan in hopes of preserving some of his spirit on earth. Allan taught me how to pace drinking so that I can stay up to the wee hours of the morning.  He taught me to appreciate good champagne New Year’s Day morning and afternoon.  He taught me that it is okay to dance on a pool table.  I can’t listen to the “Safety Dance” without getting a little weepy.  It was his dream to move further away from the city and relocate to the county before he got sick.  Although my notions on heaven may on most days are obscured by my beliefs – I remember giggling when my aunt said, “Well I can just see Allan waiting behind a bar in heaven welcoming Grandpa by telling him to pull up a stool and pouring him a drink.”  So days when life is shit, I remember him, know that I can do it and recall his sound advice in his strong Scottish accent, “Well then darlin’ fuck em all.”

safetydance

Karma

Image

Although not a conscience choice, it would seem to that I have arrived at a life’s mantra so to speak.  When I am hurt to the very core of my being and want to strike back I remind myself of ‘karma’ Balance in the world will be achieved without doing anything at all.  Life and nature have a way of finding balance.  When relationships become broken new ones arrive and the important friendships healed.  When I want to bury my head in the blankets and stay in bed crying I find the strength to keep going because I know that everything happens for a reason.  I don’t need to cry on everyone’s shoulder to feel better.  It’s the little things that matter an unexpected hug from my son or latte with a friend.

12-12-12

How often does it ever happen that someone’s birthday falls on the same number day, month and year – Never!  But Wednesday will mark Celeste’s fifteenth birthday (at least she’s not turning 12 because that would just be super weird)

celeste good